#34: It's Rock Bottom All the Way Down.

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There’s a myth—probably Hindu in origin—that the earth is flat and rests on the back of a turtle. And that turtle rests on the back of a larger turtle. Ultimately, it’s “turtles all the way down.”

It’s often said—and often true—that people have to hit rock bottom before they finally and seriously seek help. That, only then, can they climb out of the depths of addiction and/or alcoholism and/or despair. It’s also painfully true that—even with the greatest effort they can muster—they may not succeed the first time, or second, or third. In the very worst cases, their lives end in the tragedies we hear about all too often—overdose, a terminal…and preventable illness,¹ or death by suicide.

Some say—and sometimes they are right—that many acts of kindness are simply enabling. A complex topic of its own. But first…

As of Monday…

Jake called several times with another convoluted lie. I didn’t answer. So, he texted. Things had gotten worse. With a newborn in DCF custody and a partner who may still be using, I wasn’t surprised. A few months ago, a relative in another state offered him a good home and a place to live if he moved there. But his partner wouldn’t go with him. He was back in three days. Has he hit rock bottom? Has she?

I was surprised to see Sally back in town. She had really tried. She had started getting chemotherapy. She was hanging in there even though the Clinic had cut her methadone dose to 30mg.² She planned to go back to work as soon as she felt well enough. Best of all, her parents had agreed to come get her and bring her home. She was thrilled. Not only would she have a safe place to live, she could finally spend time with her two kids who were staying with her parents. But others in the family violently opposed her being there. One inexcusably, dumped out her methadone. Her father said she had to go back until the family, “worked it out.” When I saw her, she was desperately trying to get gas money so a friend would drive her for chemotherapy. (Her cancer center is two hours away.) And the doctor at the Clinic would only give her 12mg of methadone until he could consult with her cancer doc. She was starting to shake and sweat. Has she hit rock bottom? (It wouldn’t be the first time.)³

Dicky came by limping with a cane. He’s an incorrigible thief—one of the few things everyone on the street, except him, agrees upon. Someone had caught him and roughed him up. Later I saw him sitting on a stoop. He didn’t even look up. A few hours later Melissa told me he hadn’t been beaten up. He had turf toe. Has he hit rock bottom?

Raymond came by looking pretty bad, too. Turns out, he’d been mistaken for Dicky. So, he’s the one who was roughed up. I know major depression when I see it. Raymond is in deep. I’ve been told he weaned himself from 3 bundles (3 x 10] to one bag of opioids a day without methadone or Suboxone. I’m going to help him get to the DMV tomorrow for his license and he’s promised to call his doctor after that. Will he show up to meet me? Has he hit rock bottom?

PT is in jail. I hear he was just sentenced for a year. Six months with time off for good behavior. Has he hit rock bottom?

Isaiah is in rehab with an ankle bracelet because he’s still serving his sentence. Has he hit rock bottom?

Kenny has proven obstreperous enough to be banned from almost every coffee shop, bar, and restaurant in town. Even I yelled at him to get him to shut up. (It’s the only thing that works.) He still loves explaining how essentially unenlightened their (and my) behavior is. Has he hit rock bottom? He undoubtedly thinks we have.

My friend who runs the bakery and gives coffee, muffins, and even sandwiches to people on the street every morning has had to insist that only paying customers can stay after getting their food. (Shooting up in the bathroom was the last straw…) And she may have to limit them to just coffee. Has she hit rock bottom?

Monday was the day of the total eclipse. I didn’t give anyone any money. Have I hit rock bottom?

After an hour and a half, the sun reappeared.

1. See for example: Life and Death at the Margins of Society: “Non-elderly people experiencing homelessness have 3.5 times the mortality risk of those who are housed…and that a 40-year-old homeless person faces a similar mortality risk to a housed person nearly twenty years older.” Also note: “Comparing the mortality risk of people who are homeless and those who are poor but housed, we find that homelessness is associated with about a sixty percent greater mortality risk than poverty alone.”

2. She needs more like 60mg to feel OK. For context, I’ve read that 80mg is typically the base used for clinical trials. Some people take up to 400mg or more.

3. I told some of her story here. She’s told me she doesn’t mind if I use her real name—that people need to know what’s it’s really like, but I prefer to use pseudonyms except for Kenny.

Thanks to Tim Wick for building his fabulous rock cairns and to his sister Evie Bethke for her drawing of one.